I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
