I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
and you fell through a lawn chair
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
