in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
