I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I just put wine in my tea
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
