Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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