it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
