What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
