well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
