I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
