does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
