Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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