K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
