stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had sex on a dog bed..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
