I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
50% drunk capacity currently
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
