if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
