There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
