he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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