So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
