redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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