That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You took a bar mat shot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
