Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
