if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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