so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
