He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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