They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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