Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
