JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
