used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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