i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
