I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
