I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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