so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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