I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
