I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
