i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
