The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
