Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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