i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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