shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
