I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
