i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
