she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
