i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
