so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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