i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
