you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
