If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
