I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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