OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
