Plan B is the new Plan A
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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