Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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