just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
