Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
