I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What changed your mind?
Being sober
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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