you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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