I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
