do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
