Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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