Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
