Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
