your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
