3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
