Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
