I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
