Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
