Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
