Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
