I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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