If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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