What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
