Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
