well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
