Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
