allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
