Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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