You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
