yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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